Guide to Practical 'Farm Guns' to Keep on Hand

This deep into the Information Age, it’s getting tougher to justify firearm purchases from a practical perspective. Home, vehicle, and personal defense are perennially pertinent. Hunting in much of the country is obviously also still a thing. However, with urban sprawl inexorably encroaching on many of America’s vast rural spaces, the probability that you might need a firearm to defend yourself or your space against predators is shrinking. However, that doesn’t mean the need no longer exists…

One Step Away from Tragedy…

My farm and my wife are the only two really good investments I have ever made. We live half an hour from the nearest proper town in rural Mississippi. If I can’t pee in my front yard without irritating the neighbors I really don’t want to live there. In short, I do like my space. Our backyard is a seven-acre lake I built a quarter century ago. Back when we were homeschooling the kids, that lake was our swimming pool, fishing hole, science lab, and playground. Flipping the aluminum Grumman canoe over and using it like a submarine made for fun on an apocalyptic scale. The only serious downside was all the blasted water moccasins. The scaly monsters breed like rats. Glancing out over breakfast and seeing one of them placidly trawling its way across the lake like some kind of Imperial German battlecruiser just made my skin crawl. Even now the thought sends a bit of a shiver down my spine.

I know that there are those among us who feel that venomous serpents are really our friends—like slithery fanged puppies. They opine that we should just happily coexist with these vile deadly creatures. Screw that. I have treated venomous snake bites as a physician and seen what that stuff does to human flesh. I have also personally had them stand their ground and choose fight over flight more than a few times. If nothing else, I just have little interest in stepping on one of the blasted things in the dark. I exterminate them on sight. I feel no guilt over that. We built the lake. They wouldn’t even be here were it not for us. That and Mississippi is certainly not suffering any particular shortage of the scaly beasts.

My seven-year-old scampered out onto the back patio barefoot in the early morning cool in search of mischief. I tagged along, because playing outside with your kids is the most fun a human male can have doing anything--no exceptions. As my spawn leapt down the steps in unfettered glee, I saw him. The cottonmouth was pushing three feet long and was coiled up like a rope with its bilious white maw showing. That little pink foot was on a collision course for a whole pile of venomous pain. I snatched my son up by the arm in the nick of time, scaring the holy bejeebers out of both of us.

Posting my boy as a lookout, I jogged inside and grabbed the first gun I came to—a cut-down Remington 870 pump-action 12-gauge with four rounds of birdshot in the magazine and an empty chamber. I racked the action and had the gun ready by the time I got back to the snake. Moving my kid aside, I drew down. For about half a minute, we had ourselves a moccasin standoff.

The serpent was coiled up on the topmost stone step of several that led down to the water’s edge. I wanted to kill the snake, but I didn’t want to blast my patio to pieces in the process. After a bit the snake turned tail and struck out for the water. I drew a bead on the spot just past the steps intending to decapitate the monster when the moment was right. When the big snake got to the end of the steps, he dove straight down into the water, depriving me of a clean shot. In frustration, I just ran down to the water’s edge and emptied the 12-bore into the rushes. I was rewarded by a spectacular shower of mud, water, and snake guts aplenty. Best. Day. Ever.

Particulars

I have killed a total of 64 moccasins in the backyard thus far. I keep a tally. We used to have a problem with beavers murdering my wife’s dogwood trees. We also have a cyclical problem with feral dogs. They run in packs and don’t wear collars. I typically wouldn’t care so much about that, but they have approached my wife on two occasions growling when she was outside in the yard by herself. Two legs or four, nothing growls at my wife without earning my attention.

I write for gun magazines. As a result, I have access to a wide variety of weapons to deal with these sundry rural challenges. Along the way, I have made some interesting discoveries. These revelations have informed the selection of firearms I maintain within arm’s reach. 

Snake Guns

I originally used a variety of 12-gauge shotguns. The Mad Max side-by-side pistol in a homemade shoulder rig kept me company on my walks. A autoloading riot gun stood ready to cover the lake. However, it is 68 meters from the patio to the far side of the pond. I have found from experience that this is too far to reliably snuff a water moccasin with a scattergun. My current snake gun is a sound-suppressed TacSol X-Ring .22 rifle with a Leupold optic.

I keep the gun cleared with a loaded 25-round magazine alongside for safety. It is a simple thing to charge the rifle as I jog out to the battlefield. This rifle is undeniably expensive. The MSRP for the gun alone is a whopping $1,671. However, it shoots like a laser and is completely hearing safe without muffs. I once used this weapon to shoot the head off of a moccasin while it was swimming across the lake at more than fifty meters. 

With a decent sling, the X-Ring is easier to carry than my old 12-gauge pistol. It also gives me 25 rounds on tap. I’ve never come home with less than fifteen. It would also theoretically do a job on other threats should the need arise. I once saw a man kill a 6-point whitetail with a Ruger 10/22. I wouldn’t recommend that, but it can be done.

Counter-Dog Systems

I despise venomous snakes, but I like dogs. I have little interest in causing any lasting harm to our canine friends. However, I can’t have them harassing my bride, either. The answer to this quandary was found not so much in the gun box as on the reloading bench.

A Lee Load All 12-gauge Shotshell Reloading Press is a paltry $79 off of Amazon. It’s the best value in the American gun world. Shot and powder charges are determined by the use of plastic bushings, and you can mount it in a workshop or even a storage closet. Components are not expensive, and the thing is pretty stupid-proof. The finished product is factory neat.

I have used my inexpensive Lee Load All to make cheap short-loaded, low-recoil BB rounds for my stubby 12 bores. I have also used it to craft home-rolled flechette rounds using GI-surplus darts. The machine’s real forte, however, is counter-dog rounds. These are standard 12-gauge loads packed with 6mm plastic airsoft BBs.

You still need to use a wad, and those can be legitimately lethal at intimate ranges. However, out past seven meters or so, these loads will indeed just liberally dust a belligerent hound’s flanks. This is adequate to dissuade any amorous designs they might harbor toward my own farm she-dog as well. I keep a box of these home-rolled anti-K9 shells handy next to the gun. I’ve used them maybe half a dozen times in the past twenty years and have yet to have a repeat customer. Avoid the eyes, and it’s no harm, no foul. 

Serious Stuff

Any decent 5.56mm AR variant will handle the weightier farm threats. The local cops are all my buddies, but they’re at least fifteen minutes distant on a good day. For that first quarter hour of a home invasion, I’ll be on my own. Fret not, I’m totally good with that.

This is the gun that gets grabbed if the dogs don’t get the point with the plastic stuff. It will also do for pigs when they come wandering through eating absolutely everything. It was just such a smoke pole that solved our little beaver problem as well. There’s a reason the US Army has used the 5.56mm round for some six decades now. We forever prattle on about stopping power. I’ve seen a lot of people shot, some of whom were shot with rifles. None of them seemed happy.

Life Lessons

We all love optics on our practical guns. However, store your gun in an air-conditioned space and then drag it out into the jungle that is a Mississippi summer, and that optical sight is worse than useless. The air down here in July is so thick and so wet you can rip off a chunk and gnaw on it. Any optical sight will instantly fog over the moment you take it outside.

As a remedy, I prepositioned an old blow dryer on an extension cord by the back door. I pause to blast the glass on my sights front and back with the hair dryer before leaving the house. I do the same thing with my camera when I’m heading outside to shoot outdoor gun pictures. This takes about 15 seconds if done properly. Raising the temperature of the glass just a bit is adequate to prevent condensation. Everything in life is physics.

Similarly, it’s always a good idea to wipe your guns down when you bring them back in prior to putting them away. Repeated cycles will tend to promulgate rust and corrosion. I also rotate my ready ammo from time to time for the same reason.

Ruminations

Despite all of our civilized trappings, there are still places in America where you might genuinely need a utility firearm. Folks in urban spaces will most likely not encounter an enraged grizzly bear. However, denizens of Kodiak Island don’t have much of a carjacking problem, either. Different spaces, different missions.

We rightfully grouse about America’s onerous gun control laws, but ours is the purest form of freedom to be found anyplace on Planet Earth. We are blessed to live in a place that, with a few exceptions, allows us access to the tools we need to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe and secure come what may. The specific particulars are also, coincidentally, simply great fun.

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